I was thinking the other day what it would be like for me right now if I had not left school this past semester. When I left I was on the verge of a nervous breakdown because I have 2 pre-schooler and I was trying to homeschool one in 5-K and I had a house to keep and a husband to tend to. I also had classes that took up about 40-50 hours of time per week as well as study time at home which came to about 20 more a week. I was gaining weight and exercised everyday but to no avail. I would cry on my way to classes sometimes thinking that I wanted to be home with my kids and not off to school. I loved my clinical at the hospital very much and my patients were so much fun but every time I would hear a television on in a patients room I would get a lump in my throat. One time I heard "everybody Loves Raymond" on TV and I became saddened and angry that I was not home cleaning my table off after making lunch for the kids and then kissing my husband as he walked in the door from work. There were lots of times that I felt so brain dead that I could no longer think rationally about much. My thoughts would wonder as I was driving which got scary a couple times. There were lots of times when I would remember getting into my van and all of a sudden I was at my destination spot and I do not remember anything in between. That freaked me out a bit.
I am not in school now and I can feel a significant change in my stress levels and my health in general. I feel good and I love that I am with my kids and that I can schedule things with the kids like play dates and the park. I can do errands for my husband now and I even got into selling AVON which I am liking a lot. Yes, you could say I am an over achiever (I was 3.8 GPA in nursing school and that with a family and home to run) but I like to keep busy. AVON is really helping to keep me busy but at the same time I have all the time in the world for my family. I will go back to school to be an RN but not while the kids are so young. They need me.
Wow, I am rambling, huh? Sorry. I did want to mention that I have lost 5 lbs since leaving school. Granted I am doing a semi-low carb thing but without the stresses I can manage what I eat better and I feel like my blood pressure (was always normal but went high the last few months) is back to normal. There is one thing I need to get fixed now and that is my back. I have a herniated disc in my lower back and it has been this way since 8/04 and it seems to have gotten worse the past few weeks. Even the medication that was helping me at night is no longer working. I do not have insurance so going in to the docs office is not something I can always do. I was scheduled to have an MRI done but unfortunately without insurance that is not an option. We need the money to send out oldest to a Christian school in the fall.
Anyway, That is what has been on my mind lately. Boring huh? Sorry, my life is pretty dull.